Children need physical safety, but an equally important need is emotional safety. Emotional safety is the innate feeling of being accepted for who we are and the security of knowing that we are safe to show up in the world as our truest and most authentic self. A child who has emotional safety is less likely to experience ‘fight or flight’, will be more inclined to speak the truth and will find it easier to talk about and regulate their feelings because they know that no matter what, they are loved, accepted and safe to do so.
8 Ways To Nurture Emotional Security
Show Empathy And Validate Feelings
Provide a safe space for children to share how they are feeling without judgement and try to look at the situation through the lens of the child. Remember that our problems are relative to our age and become more serious as we get older. Cast your mind back to your teenage years. The problems you had back then will seem trivial now. However, at the time the emotion you felt was just as raw and as painful. The problems we face as we get older are more serious, but our response to them is consistent no matter how old we are. Therefore, it is important to remember that what a toddler perceives as a big issue will seem inconsequential to us as adults. However, to them, with their very limited experience and development, it will feel devastating. Showing empathy for how a child feels without minimising their emotions teaches them that their feelings are valid and that they are loved and understood.
Encourage Open Emotional Communication
We all have different ideas and opinions and being able to express them is important. Showing children that their voice is heard and valued will give them a sense of confidence and will teach them that they are safe to share their thoughts and feelings.
Set And Reinforce Boundaries
Having strong boundaries with children is crucial because it creates a sense of safety. Setting and reinforcing expectations provides predictability, which allows children to know where they stand and helps them to feel secure.
Stay Calm During Emotional Upsets
Children do not need their chaos to be met with more chaos. It is crucial to stay calm when they are struggling to regulate themselves because this shows them that we are in control. This, in turn, provides a sense of safety. Behaviour is communication, so if a child is displaying poor behaviour, it is likely that they are struggling to handle their thoughts or feelings (or both) and that they need our help. Our calmness will help them to regulate their own emotions and once this happens, we can then talk in a balanced way to uncover the underlying problem.
Teach them How To Fail
Failure is a part of success. Teaching children that mistakes are an opportunity to learn and grow will help them to develop resilience and will protect their self-esteem when the chips are down.
Praise Effort And Character
If a child is only ever praised for their accomplishments, they learn that their worth is based on what they do rather than who they are. By praising effort and positive characteristics, children learn that who they are as people is valued and special and that their efforts are held in high regard.
Talk About Your Own Emotional Feelings
Children learn by example. If we make it a normal practice to talk about our own feelings, children will automatically feel like it is okay for them to do the same. If we want children to process their emotions in a balanced way and to feel safe doing so, we need to lead by example.
Let Them Walk To The Beat Of Their Own Drum
We will always guide children, but it is important to remember that every child is an individual with their own ideas and path to walk. We all do things in our own way and have our own thought processes. However, our way is not always the only way. I would be right in saying 5 and 5 make 10, but so does 6 and 4. Both ways are different, yet both are correct. By allowing children to be who they truly are and letting them explore their own path (even if it is different to ours), we give them the safety and security to show up authentically in the world knowing that they are valued and accepted for simply being themselves.
