I have been staring, intermittently, at a livestream of chairs. I have been staring at this livestream of chairs for well over an hour. [UPDATE: 4+ hours!!!] This is how Marvel has chosen to reveal the cast of Avengers: Doomsday: One chair at a time, an actor’s name across the back of each one.
Positive: The Paul Rudd chair is small.
Negative: It’s not small enough. It is a hobbit chair, not a tiny Ant-Man chair.
Positive: Vanessa Kirby should be in everything.
Negative: This should really be just one chair with Tatiana Maslany’s name on it, and she should play everyone.
The movie will feature:
- Chris Hemsworth (Thor)
- Vanessa Kirby (Sue Storm)
- Anthony Mackie (Captain America)
- Sebastian Stan (Bucky Barnes)
- Letitia Wright (Shuri)
- Wyatt Russell (John Walker)
- Tenoch Huerta Mejía (Namor)
- Ebon Moss-Bachrach (Ben Grimm/The Thing)
- Simu Liu (Shang-Chi)
- Florence Pugh (Yelena Belova)
- Kelsey Grammer (HABEMUS BEAST)
- Lewis Pullman (Bob Reynolds/Sentry)
We will receive more chairs until morale improves!
Since 1:30pm EST, Avengers: Doomsday has added:
- Danny Ramirez (Joaquin Torres / Falcon)
- Joseph Quinn (our latest Johnny Storm/Human Torch)
- David Harbour (walking Communist Manifesto Red Guardian)
- Winston Duke (M’Baku/the reason at least a couple of us are excited about this movie now)
- Hannah John-Kamen (Ava Starr / Ghost)
- Tom Hiddleston (Loki, we assume—BUT WHICH LOKI)
- Channing Tatum (Gambit, presumably)
- Pedro Pascal (Reed Richards/Mr. Stretchy)
- Patrick Stewart (Professor X/ Gandalf)
- Ian McKellen (Magneto/Saruman)
Further additions include!
- Alan Cumming (our beloved Nightcrawler)
- Rebecca Romijn (Mystique/Senator Robert Kelly)
- James Marsden (Cyclops/crying over Jean Grey)
FINAL UPDATE: 5 ½ hours!
Academy Award-winning actor Robert Downey Jr., who was announced as Doctor Doom eight long months ago, slowly (so slowly!) walked to the end of the row of chairs, and took his seat in a chair that said James Leer his name. The Abyss did, indeed, stare back—and held a finger to his lips to seal us into a secret that everyone already knows. This probably sums something up about reality, but I don’t want to know what that something is.
The internet wasn’t having this. Well, except when they were having fun with it:
We were also having fun with it.
In conclusion:
This post will be updated when further chairs are announced.
UPDATE: As I finished this post, Simu Liu’s chair arrived. Presumably he is playing Shang-Chi.
UPDATE UPDATE: Florence Pugh will also be in the film, presumably playing Yelena Belova. Are these casting announcements Thunderbolts* spoilers? Is everyone not in Doomsday going to die in that movie?
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: HABEMUS BEAST. Or at least Kelsey Grammer. And Lewis Pullman! Here’s the livestream so you, too, can stare at chairs:
Note: Contains additional nonsense commentary by Chris Lough, Leah Schnelbach, and Stefan Raets.